Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Sisterhood of Hal's Traveling Pants

Seems like EVERYONE today wants to know what happened to Hal’s Pants.

Ok, Here is the Scoop. On the way to Toronto, Hal and Tony decided to not wear their good clothes so they could be more “comfortable” in the car. Scott wore his. Three hours into the trip they stop at a Holiday Inn Express because Tony has a Preferred Member card or a Coupon for a free Danish, I can’t remember. Anyway, they go into the bathroom to change while Scott waits in the lobby to read the Globe and Mail about how the Toronto Subway System is going broke because they are giving Naked guys free transfers. I kid you not. Ok…I kid you about the Naked part, but the free transfers is just killing the system. You see, when you have X amount of riders and it costs M to pay for the system…what? Oh yeah…It’s George Bush’s Fault.

Back to the story…At somepoint Hal realizes that his suit pants are nowhere to be seen. To make a long story short, Hal goes to WallMart and buys a cheap pair of pants, and forgets to claim said pants when coming back across the border. He recieves a letter from Dick Cheney warning that Serious Consequentence will occur if Hal Doesn’t pay Duty and includes an invitation to go quail hunting.

Seems like that would be the end of the story…but its not. What happened to Hal’s original pair of pants you may ask… Luckily, the folks down at Random House have published a cute touching story about the journey of Hal’s Pants, called, The Sisterhood of Hal’s Traveling Pants. Here is my review:

They were just a soft, ordinary pair of thrift-shop suit pants that belonged to Hal until the four girls took turns trying them on--four girls, that is, who are close friends, about to be parted for the summer, with very different sizes and builds, not to mention backgrounds and personalities. Yet Hal’s pants settle on each girl's hips perfectly, making her look sexy and long-legged and feel confident as a teenager can feel. "These are magical Hal Pants!" they realize, and so they make a pact to share them equally, to mail them back and forth over the summer from wherever they are. Beautiful, distant Lena is going to Greece to be with her grandparents and worship at the Pagan temple of Apollo; strong, athletic Bridget is off to lesbian soccer camp in Baja, California; hot-tempered Carmen plans to have her divorced (Step?)father all to herself in South Carolina (nudge nudge wink wink); and Tibby the rebel will be left at home to slave for minimum wage at Wallman's. (Name changed from WallMART due to threats from underpaid Mexican workers without health insurance becoming jealous of Tibby’s high paying job)

Over the summer Hal’s Pants come to represent the support of the sisterhood, but they also lead each girl into bruising and ultimately healing confrontations with love and courage, dying and forgiveness. Like Hal’s Pants, the reader bounces back and forth among the four unfolding adventures, and the mélange is spiced with letters and witty quotes that speak over the readers heads and only elite Hollywood types will understand and explain to us in a feature length film that will cut out most of the story and leave us with just sex scenes with Halle Berry as Bridget.

Two Stars.

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