Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Newbie Joins Fishing Trip

Since you plan on attending our Annual Spring Fishing Trip, you need a primer to bring you up to speed. As a newbie, you will be tested on this before the trip:

  • When Justin says pull my finger, he means it. Remember your laws of physics: for every action there is a reaction.
  • Cheap Beer is a given. Papst, Old Milwaukee, Busch is cool...nothing over Bud Light (unless you are Mark and then you bring Martinis. Don't EVER buy Red White and Blue beer, unless you feel like throwing it at a tree.
  • One of these three things (but not all) will happen to Joe V. on the trip: 1 - He will catch the biggest fish 2-He will catch the most fish 3 He will fall into the water
  • Bring a fishing pole or else you end up arguing with Roberts about the Meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything.
  • If you need a fishing pole, there is one at the bottom of Clear Lake that belongs to Joey M.
  • Walking home from the Bar does NOT guarentee your will not be pulled over by the police.
  • Watch out for small woodland Creatures. They sometimes lodge in your throat.
  • If you want to catch a fish, you have to put your bait inthe water. Letting it dangle over the edge of the boat, five inches above the water line does not work.
  • Kessler's Kills the HIV. Its a Fact. It also cures hang overs, hang nails and mother-in-laws that hang around too long.
  • You will learn to love Kesslers.
  • One of these things usually happen to Chris on a fishing trip: 1 -He will not catch a fish 2 - He will not catch a fish - 3 He will not catch a fish.
  • Its bad Karma to pee on the concreate oblisk in the middle of the Pere Marquette State Forest.
  • Fear the Okie Bitch Project
  • Old people don't notice when someone pounds on their door, rings their copper bells or shine flashlights into their cottage. However, telephones do wake them up.
  • Making Martinis on the small island is probably not the best way to fish.

This weekend, Dr. Gary answers your questions on Prostate Cancer, and we take a look at tonights loser on American Idol and get Joey VanIdols reaction.

Seacrest OUT!

Is there a War on Paczki Day?

For generations, Polish peoples have prepared for the beginning of Lent by celebrating Fat Tuesday and cleaning out the pantries to make Paczkis. This day was special and was only celebrated one day out of the year.

Then the tide turned.

This year, weeks before Fat Tuesday, secular stores like Farmer Jacks, Krogers and even foreign socialist coffee shops like Tim Hortons began selling the lard laden treats.

Has this taken away from the significance of Fat Tuesday? When did it become Fat Monday? Or for that matter…Fat February? The Left leaning mass media has gotten into the act by proclaiming that “Everyone is Polish on Paczki Day!”

How would this go over if “Everyone is Jewish on Hannukha” or Everyone is Brazillian on Festa de Nossa Senhora dos Navegantes Porto Allegre Day”. Maybe we should expand it to “Everyone’s Dead on the Feast of the Dead Day.” Not a pretty picture is it? (Look what this trend did to St. Patrick’s Day. Now it’s just an excuse for Michigan males to go get drunk in Chicago and hit on heavy women)

Justin sees this whole commercialization of Holidays as a evil Zionist and PNAC plot. "Its all Bush's Fault", said Justin.

I began to suspect that something might be amiss when places like Dunkin Donuts were selling regular donuts and calling them Paczkis. My suspicions were confirmed when I went there this morning on a fact finding mission and my “Paczki” looked suspiciously like a cruller.

Next year, lets all put the Tuesday back into Fat Tuesday and Paczki Day.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Is this thing still on?

Worst season of the Hippo's Ass EVER!

Ah well. LOST is in repeats AGAIN this week so I guess I have some time to write a bit. I will make a serious attempt to update this bloc every Tuesday and Thursday. Maybe on Sunday (but don't count on it.) I am starting another BLOG very shortly. Look for The Motown Tea Party to be up and running by March 1st if not sooner.

Who won the Blue Hippo League this year? I lost interest in the third week when my team decided to quit. Looks like our friend J-Man will have some issues if he tries to log on to the Internet in Canada. Seems like the a college campus has declared Wi-Fi to be dangerous to ones health. That and the alien transmissions from Mars that are being bounced off the CN tower.

A Canadian university has limited Wi-Fi networks on campus, not out of information security concerns, but because the long-term safety of the technology is "unproven".
Fred Gilbert, president of Canada's Lakehead University, made the order on the basis of possible health risk from the technology, especially to young people. Inconclusive studies into possible links between radio transmissions and leukemia and brain tumors from, among others, scientists for the California Public Utilities Commission, led Gilbert to make the "precautionary ban".

"All IÂ’m saying is while the juryÂ’s out on this one, IÂ’m not going to put in place what is potential chronic exposure for our students. Admittedly thatÂ’s highest around the locations of the antenna sites and the wireless hot spots, but those are the places people tend to gravitate to because they get the best reception," Gilbert said, Canadian technology website IT Business reports.

The J-Man is looking for a job...San Francisco has one for him.

San Francisco, a leader in urban recycling, is preparing to enlist its canine population for a first in the United States: converting dog poop into energy.

Dog feces could be scooped into a methane digester, a device that uses bugs and microorganisms to gobble up the material and emit methane, which would be trapped and burned to power a turbine to make electricity or to heat homes. Dogs and cats in the United States produce about 10 million tons of waste a year, Will Brinton, an environmental scientist and owner-director of Woods End Laboratories in Maine, said.

Mark is headed to the hot-bed of Al Queda terror soon: West Point. I did a little research on this
Front in the War on Terror. So imagine my surprise when I was able to finally purchase a DVD of Mad Magazine Presents: Up the Academy!
This comical (sic) look at military academies gave us such memorable lines like:

  • Hot Beef Injection
  • the pick up line"Tickle your ass with a feather?"
  • or "Be a billow of smoke...blowing across the moors
  • and even this funny exchange:

Leisman: What did I tell you I'd do if I ever caught you stealing again?

Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.

Leisman: Say it again!

Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.

Leisman: Say it again!

Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.

It also stars a very young Ralph Macchio. Is Ralph Macchio ever anything but young?

'Nuff for now dear reader. Just remember: Guns don't kill people, Vice Presidents do.